Picture this: A sullen teen slouches into my office, flops onto the couch like they’re auditioning for the role of Most Unimpressed Person Alive, and opens with, “I hated my last therapist. They told my parents everything I said.” Cue the side-eye. This is not an uncommon scenario, and as a therapist, I silently mourn for every opportunity lost to build trust with that teen because of past breaches of confidence. Spoiler alert: Therapy isn’t about handing parents a play-by-play of their teen’s deepest thoughts.

But as a parent, you’ve bravely decided to give therapy another shot for your child. So, let’s talk about what you’re actually signing up for—complete with humor, heartfelt truths, and a dash of legal mumbo jumbo.

Step One: The Paperwork Olympics

Before a single tear is shed or eye roll perfected in therapy, there’s paperwork—mountains of it. If you’re divorced, this can feel more like the Hunger Games of parenting. Who has the right to make medical decisions for your teen? Do both parents share this right and responsibility? Is your divorce decree lurking somewhere in a desk drawer with coffee stains and your tears of frustration?

Here’s the deal: If your divorce decree says both parents have the right to make medical decisions, both of you have to sign the consent forms for therapy. Yes, even if your ex still texts in Comic Sans. Therapists aren’t just being difficult here; therapists have to follow legal and ethical codes.

Confidentiality: The Holy Grail of Therapy

Once the paperwork is sorted, it’s time to address the golden question: “So, what are you going to tell me about my kid?” The short answer? Not much, unless your teen says it’s okay.

Confidentiality is the cornerstone of therapy. For a teen, this means they need to trust that what they share in sessions stays in sessions. Therapists are trained to explain this boundary clearly, but let me highlight some key points for you:

1. Safety First: If your teen shares something that makes us worried about their safety or someone else’s (think self-harm, harm to others, or abuse), we’re legally required to step in and tell you—and sometimes others—to ensure everyone is safe.

2. Facilitating Conversations: If your teen brings up an issue they want to address with you but feel awkward or scared about, we can help facilitate that conversation. It’s like being the emotional translator in a parent-teen United Nations meeting.

3. No Spy Work Allowed: Therapy is not a covert operation to extract secrets from your teen’s soul and deliver them to you on a silver platter. If that’s your goal, you’re going to be disappointed. (And so is your teen.)

   
   

Assent: Your Teen’s VIP Pass to Therapy

Here’s another thing parents often don’t realize: Even though you’re the one signing the dotted line, your teen’s assent is crucial. That means your teen has to agree to participate in therapy. Sure, they might be dragged in kicking and screaming (figuratively, I hope), but for therapy to work, they need to feel like they have a say.

If a therapist doesn’t talk to your teen about what they want out of therapy, run for the hills. This relationship is about your child.

The Therapeutic Relationship: More Than Just a Chat

Good therapy feels like a safe space for your teen, not a courtroom where they’re on trial. That’s why we therapists work hard to build trust.

• Step One: Don’t Judge: Teens know when you’re judging them. It’s a sixth sense. Our job is to make them feel seen, heard, and accepted for who they are—cringy TikTok dances and all.

• Step Two: Be Real: Teens can spot fake a mile away. That means being genuine, owning mistakes, and keeping our promises.

• Step Three: Support, Not Fix: Therapy isn’t about “fixing” your teen. It’s about empowering them to understand themselves and make healthier choices.

  
  

But What About You, the Parent?

You’re not forgotten in this process! A good therapist keeps you in the loop without breaking your teen’s trust. Expect regular check-ins to talk about:

• General progress (without spilling secrets).

• Safety concerns, if they arise.

• How you can support your teen outside of therapy.

  
  

If you’re ever unsure about what’s happening, don’t hesitate to ask the therapist questions. Just be prepared that the answers may not include specifics about your teen’s sessions.

Why Therapy Can Actually Be Awesome

When done right, therapy can be life-changing for your teen—and your family. It’s a chance for them to explore their feelings, work through challenges, and maybe even learn that you’re not the villain of their story (what a concept!).

And while it’s tempting to want to know everything, trust me when I say that your teen’s growth and well-being matter more than the details of what they’re talking about in sessions. Give therapy a chance to work its magic, and who knows? You might just see your teen walk out of my office with a little less side-eye and a lot more self-awareness.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a couch to straighten and another teen to win over. Fingers crossed they don’t start with, “My last therapist told my parents everything…”

About the author

Chelsea Jackson Garcia is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in Texas and an NBCC National Certified Counselor. She owns SHAW Psychotherapy, an inclusive private practice in Waco, TX, specializing in adolescents and women.

Disclaimer: The information presented and contained is for entertainment value only (Just remember, laughter is great, but therapy is even better) and should not be construed as mental health service or medical care.