Alright, let’s cut to the chase: you’ve made the decision to stay. The love of your life has pirouetted across the stage of infidelity not once, not twice, but let’s just say enough times to make a Netflix series out of your life. And yet, here you are, standing firm in your choice to stay. Whether you’re fueled by love, hope, or sheer determination (because who’s giving up years of shared passwords and inside jokes?), the choice is yours. And guess what? That’s powerful.

The Shame Game: Taking Back Your Narrative

Let’s address the elephant in the room—shame. It sneaks in when you catch that oh, you poor thing look from Karen in yoga class or hear, I’d never stay if it were me! from someone who’s never been in your shoes. But here’s the truth: people love to judge what they don’t understand. They’re not living your life. They’re not walking in your shoes. And, frankly, they’re not balancing your mental workload while managing three kids, a demanding job, and the emotional rollercoaster of rebuilding trust.

Shame thrives on secrecy and silence, but it loses its power when you own your story. You’ve made an informed decision based on your values, your priorities, and your vision for the future. You’re not weak or naive—you’re purposeful and courageous. You’ve looked heartbreak in the eye and said, “You don’t define me.”

Redefining Priorities: Living Life on Your Terms

Here’s the thing about priorities: they’re yours, and they’re deeply personal. Maybe you’ve chosen to stay because you believe in the potential for growth and healing. Maybe it’s about preserving the family unit or holding on to the love that still exists beneath the hurt. Or maybe you’re simply giving yourself the time and space to figure things out without making any rash decisions. Whatever your reasons, they are valid.

Living up to other people’s expectations? That’s not your job. You’re the one who gets to decide what’s worth fighting for. And in doing so, you’re reclaiming your power. Empowerment isn’t about making the “right” choice by society’s standards; it’s about making the informed choice that aligns with your values and circumstances.

Repeated Infidelity: It’s Not About You

Let’s get something straight: your partner’s repeated infidelity is a reflection of their issues, not your shortcomings. Repeated infidelity often stems from unresolved personal struggles, a need for validation, or something else. It’s easy to internalize their actions, thinking, If only I were more [fill in the blank], this wouldn’t have happened. But the truth is, their behavior isn’t a measure of your worth.

You didn’t cause it, and it’s not your responsibility to fix their broken pieces. However, you can decide how to respond in a way that serves your healing and growth. This is about you taking the reins of your life and determining what you need to move forward—whether that’s rebuilding trust, redefining boundaries, or focusing on your self-identity.

Steps to Rebuild Trust, Instinct, and Grieve with Purpose

1. Trust, But With Boundaries: Rebuilding trust is like planting a garden. It takes time, care, and patience. Start small—consistent actions over time will do more to rebuild trust than any grand gestures. Set clear boundaries and communicate your expectations.

2. Grieve the Loss of the Ideal: It’s okay to mourn the version of your relationship you thought you had. Grieving isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a necessary step in letting go of the past. Cry it out, scream into a pillow, or write angry letters you’ll never send. Grief clears the path for acceptance and healing.

3. Tune Into Your Gut: Your instincts are powerful, even if you’ve doubted them in the past. Trust your inner voice—it knows when something feels off. Rebuilding that connection with yourself is essential. You are your own best advocate.

4. Therapy: Your Secret Weapon: Individual and couple’s therapy are invaluable tools in this process. Therapy helps you explore your emotions, develop coping strategies, and communicate effectively with your partner. It’s a space to process the pain and rebuild a stronger foundation.

5. Journaling and Thought Reframing: When intrusive thoughts creep in, journal them. Then, challenge them. This simple exercise can shift your mindset and empower you to break free from negative thought patterns, and a therapist can guide you through the process.

Embracing Empowerment: Your Marriage, Your Rules

Choosing to stay doesn’t make you a doormat; it makes you a warrior. You’re choosing to rebuild, to fight for what you believe in, and to create a future that reflects your values. This is your journey, and you’re steering the ship. Forget what society says about what you should do. You’re the one living this life, and you’re making informed, purposeful choices every step of the way.

So, when Karen raises her eyebrows or your cousin gives you that I’d never stay look at the next family barbecue, smile. Because you’re not just surviving—you’re thriving on your terms. And that, my friend, is empowerment at its finest.

Now, go pour yourself a glass of wine (or tea, or whatever keeps you sane) and remember: it's completely acceptable if staying is your story. Because it's YOUR story and YOUR decision.

About the author

Chelsea Jackson Garcia is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in Texas and an NBCC National Certified Counselor. She owns SHAW Psychotherapy, an inclusive private practice in Waco, TX, specializing in adolescents and women.

Disclaimer: The information presented and contained is for entertainment value only (Just remember, laughter is great, but therapy is even better) and should not be construed as mental health service or medical care.