Picture this: I’m in the middle of my usual morning routine, which involves scrolling through my phone, sipping coffee, and (sometimes) double-checking that my offspring are where they’re supposed to be. (Normal parenting stuff, right?) I open up Find My iPhone, fully expecting to see my son’s little dot safe on campus. But this time? Nada. Just the ominous message: Location Not Available.

Cue the mental gymnastics: What if he’s been kidnapped? What if he’s stranded on a rogue sandbar? He is on a beachside campus, so it’s not entirely out of the question. And yes, I know I’m spiraling, but this is the same city where a college student went missing earlier this year and—RIP—the heartbreak those parents went through was something I could barely handle watching. The fear factor is real, folks.

After a quick check-in (okay, panic session) with one of my older sons, I found out this was no accidental switch-off. My son, my newly-minted “independent” freshman, had intentionally turned off location tracking. I believe he even discussed it with my older son, who convinced him that keeping his location on just for him was a decent compromise. My older son didn’t disclose this to me, but my older son knows me. Let me tell you, it’s an authentic slice of humble pie when your own kids rally against you in the name of privacy. So there I was, on the receiving end of a “Mom, just let him have this” lecture from my older son, who didn’t have to live through his teenage years on a digital leash.

The thing is, I still pay for his phone and his bus fare, claim him as a dependent and send him money. (Not to mention, he recently moved his Cash App account from a sponsored account by me to himself, which I’m sure he thinks makes him very grown-up.) Part of me wants to use these little perks as bargaining chips, but the other part of me knows this isn’t the time to dig my heels in. As tempting as it is to demand full location access (hey, I paid for that data plan!), this is his way of setting boundaries. And, begrudgingly, I respect that. 

But let’s be honest—this isn’t my first rodeo, and I’ve learned the hard way when to stand my ground and when to let them win a round. So here’s the deal on picking your battles:

1. Stand Your Ground on Safety Basics

I may have compromised on location tracking (for now), but there are other non-negotiables. Emergency contacts are a must, and yes, he still needs to check in with me on his whereabouts if I ask. If he goes MIA for too long, I’m texting. And he will respond, or he knows he’ll get a full-blown mom meltdown. And if he goes silent for too long, I'm okay with a five-hour road trip if necessary. There's no crazy quite like "worst-case scenario mom crazy." IYKYK.

2. Compromise Where It Counts

Privacy is a big deal, especially when they’re trying to figure out what being independent even means. So I’m letting him have this one—he’s got location sharing with his brother, and that’s good enough. This is the stuff they need to feel in control of, even if it means I spend a few extra minutes each day contemplating worst-case scenarios. Did anyone watch the buried rug saga on TikTok?

3. Remind Yourself It’s a Phase

Sure, he moved his Cash App and could be buried in the valley of a sand dune, but he’ll be back when he grows up a bit. My two older sons share their locations with me now that they realize I’m not an overbearing "momster" from one of Stephen King's novels (note to self: Have kids watch Carrie).

4. Communicate, Don’t Overcompensate

I’ve learned that compromise doesn’t mean letting go of all control. We’ve had plenty of talks about safety, privacy, and why he’s still very much my child (even if he thinks otherwise). Now it’s time for him to have the freedom so put some of those lessons into practice. And just as much as I need to back off, he knows that I’m still here. The door is always open, the groceries are still bought, and yes, he can call me when he needs help navigating this crazy thing called adulthood.

At the end of the day, this is part of the big transition—for both of us. As much as I want to go back to the days when I knew his exact coordinates, I know this is a step he has to take. After years of being the one to protect and guide, it’s hard to let go. But compromise is the key here. If I try to keep a tight grip, it’ll only push him further away—and “because I said so” isn’t exactly a strategy for nurturing healthy independence. He needs room to make decisions, even if it means I’m in the dark sometimes. Learning to let him find his way is the only way he’ll truly figure out how to solve those real adult problems that will be banging like a swat team in a few years.

And so, I let go (just a little), armed with my trusty emergency text plan and a reminder that the next time he comes home, I could technically sneak a tracker into his backpack, but I won’t. Let’s be real, with all the technology available today, parents have options. But, I’m making the conscious choice to respect his boundaries, trust his judgement, and let him stretch those wings. The nest will always be within reach if he needs a safe place to return (without an "I told you so.")

About the author

Chelsea Jackson Garcia is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in Texas and an NBCC National Certified Counselor. She owns SHAW Psychotherapy, an inclusive private practice in Waco, TX, specializing in adolescents and women.

Disclaimer: The information presented and contained is for entertainment value only (Just remember, laughter is great, but therapy is even better) and should not be construed as mental health service or medical care.