The other day, I watched a Judge Judy episode (don't judge me—pun totally intended), and she dropped one of those truth bombs that sticks with you forever: “You have to remember that you love your children more than you hate your ex.” Mic drop. Court adjourned. I nearly spit out my coffee because, let's be real—when you're in the middle of a divorce, sometimes it feels like that hate could light the furnace for a decade. But Judy's right, as usual.

So, let's talk about divorce and co-parenting when kids are involved. You’re separating from your partner, not from your kids. And newsflash: just because you want to hurl your ex into space, your kids probably don’t feel the same way. They've spent their entire lives with both of you, and they didn't sign up for this rollercoaster ride. So, how do you co-parent without accidentally turning into a Jerry Springer episode? Let’s break it down.

Step 1: Embrace the Judge Judy Rule

You love your children more than you hate your ex. Say it with me. Now write it on your bathroom mirror, your fridge, and maybe even on your forehead if necessary. Every time you feel the urge to use your kids as messengers ("Tell your dad he’s late on child support... again"), stop yourself. The goal is to build bridges, not dig trenches. The love you have for your kids should always, always be the driving force. If you're tempted to fire off that text where you compare your ex to a llama in a human suit—take a deep breath and remember: You love your kids more than you hate your ex.

Step 2: Be the Bigger Person (Even When You're Not Feeling It)

Let’s be honest: being the bigger person sucks. No one wakes up thinking, “Today, I want to rise above!” Nope. More like, "Today, I want to strangle my ex with the kids’ forgotten homework." But being the bigger person is essential when it comes to co-parenting. It means not responding to that passive-aggressive email with an aggressive-aggressive one. It means showing up on time, biting your tongue, and not buying your kids a puppy just because your ex said no. Think of it as emotional cardio—you’re going to feel exhausted, but your mental health will thank you later.

Step 3: Communication... But Keep It About the Kids

If you had perfect communication with your ex, you probably wouldn’t be getting divorced, right? But here we are, and now communication is key to co-parenting. That doesn't mean you have to discuss the finer points of The Bachelor like you used to (and if you did that, well, no judgment), but it does mean sticking to kid-related topics. “Hey, Billy has a soccer game at 3,” or “Can you pick up Katie from dance?”—simple, direct, and to the point. No need to relive past arguments or throw in unnecessary jabs. Just think of it as a very business-like transaction, except the "business" is your child's well-being.

Step 4: Pick Your Battles (And Let Some Go)

Not every disagreement needs to be turned into a court case. Do you really need to argue about whether Jimmy goes to bed at 8 or 8:30 at your ex’s house? Probably not. Save your energy for the important stuff—like making sure they’re safe, supported, and loved. Every time you're tempted to argue about something small, ask yourself, "Will this matter in five years?" If the answer is no, let it go. You'll save yourself a headache and your kids won’t have to listen to you fight over whether socks are necessary in the winter.

Step 5: Remember, Your Kids Are Watching

Kids have this magical ability to overhear the worst parts of your conversations while completely ignoring you when you say, "Clean your room." They’re watching how you handle this divorce, and believe it or not, it’s shaping how they’ll handle conflict in their own lives. So, set the example you want them to follow. If they see you and your ex acting like adults (even if it's just an act sometimes), they’ll learn that disagreements don't have to turn into all-out wars.

Step 6: Be Flexible (But Not a Doormat)

Co-parenting requires a lot of flexibility, and sometimes that means agreeing to switch weekends or drop-offs without making a scene. Sure, it can be annoying when your ex asks to swap plans last minute, but life happens—kids get sick, schedules change, and being a little flexible can make the whole co-parenting experience smoother. That said, flexibility doesn’t mean being a pushover. Set boundaries and stick to them, but don’t be so rigid that every minor inconvenience turns into a battle royale.

Step 7: Keep Your Kids Out of the Drama

Kids don’t need to know who’s dating who or how late their other parent was for drop-off. They're not your little spies. Protect their childhood. They don’t need to bear the emotional weight of your divorce. The last thing you want is for your kid to feel like they have to take sides. Instead, make sure they know it's okay to love both parents. The more love, the better.

Final Thoughts

Divorce with kids is hard. There's no sugar-coating it. But it doesn't have to be a nightmare. If you follow the Judge Judy rule, communicate like grown-ups (even when you don’t want to), and focus on what’s best for your children, you can make co-parenting work. Sure, there will be moments when you want to scream into a pillow, but there will also be moments when you’ll look at your kids and realize that you’re doing it right. And that's what matters most.

And if you're really struggling, seek out a therapist to work with you and your ex on co-parenting. Your kids will thank you later.

About the author

Chelsea Jackson Garcia is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in Texas and an NBCC National Certified Counselor. She owns SHAW Psychotherapy, an inclusive private practice in Waco, TX, specializing in adolescents and women.

Disclaimer: The information presented and contained is for entertainment value only (Just remember, laughter is great, but therapy is even better) and should not be construed as mental health service or medical care.