So, the other day, a friend posted this little gem on Facebook: “What do you do to keep negativity from others from affecting you?” Oh, the floodgates of wisdom opened up in that comment section! Everything from “block and delete” to “a glass of wine” (or three). But it got me thinking about relationships, specifically the ones where your partner just can’t resist the occasional verbal jab. You know, the ones that leave you asking yourself, “Did they really just go there?”

When it comes to love, the goal is supposed to be lifting each other up, right? But some days, instead of rainbows and butterflies, it feels like you’re in a sparring match with the world’s most competitive verbal boxer. Let’s talk about what you can do when your partner knows how to hit where it hurts ... on purpose.

1. Find Your Inner Zen Master

In these moments, you’ve got to dig deep for some serious Zen skills. Picture yourself as a monk on a mountaintop, totally unbothered by your partner’s well-aimed verbal barbs. Deep breaths, people. Deep. Breaths. Take a moment to ground yourself when they’re coming at you, weaponizing things you value. Inhale the good stuff, exhale the nonsense. The emotional brain rarely reacts in good measure. Take some time and find a comfy spot to rub elbows with logic for a bit.

2. The Art of the Neutral Response

Imagine you’re a therapist for a second—nod, smile, and say something like, “I hear you." It’s like a verbal version of duck-and-cover. Keep it cool, calm, and collected. Neutral responses not only take the wind out of their sails but give you time to decide if you want to go deeper into the conversation or, you know, go for a walk instead.

3. Remember: It’s Their Baggage, Not Yours

If they’re spewing venom, it’s more about their inner turmoil than anything to do with you. So let them carry their own bags. You’re not a bellhop. Feel free to mentally pass them a tiny luggage cart labeled, “Not My Circus, Not My Monkeys.” You don’t have to own their issues—just focus on handling your own. Letting their negativity influence your peace only gives them all the power over you. And I don’t know about you, but I’m not willing to hand that kind of control to anyone. You deserve to be the boss of your own emotional domain!

4. Put the Focus Back on You: Self-Care is Key

You can’t stop them from saying hurtful things, but you can control how you treat yourself afterward. Make self-care a non-negotiable. Maybe it’s a bubble bath, blasting your favorite guilty pleasure song, or texting your best friend about that totally unrelated thing that has nothing to do with your relationship drama (wink, wink). Reaffirm your worth, and remember, you are more than someone else’s bad day.

5. Set Those Boundaries Like a Pro

The beauty of boundaries? They’re all yours to create! Make it clear that certain comments are off-limits. “Hey, I’m open to talking, but if it’s just to throw shade, I’ll pass.” It’s like building a nice, sturdy fence around your peace of mind. They can toss all the stones they want, but if the fence is high enough, none of them are going to reach you.

The Trust Factor: The Ramifications of Low Blows

When a partner decides to weaponize your vulnerability, trust takes a hit. You can’t be sure that the next time you share something sensitive, it won’t get used against you in the heat of an argument. And let’s be real, there’s only so many times you can hear your fears, motivations, or dreams thrown back at you before you stop sharing them altogether.

Keep Your Inner Peace at the Forefront

At the end of the day, you have to guard your own peace like it’s the last slice of pizza. Coping strategies like journaling, meditating, or finding ways to laugh through the nonsense can empower you to stay grounded even when the relationship feels shaky. It’s okay to be firm about what you need and what you won’t tolerate.

Remember, you deserve a partner who will handle your heart gently, not use it as target practice. And if you find yourself in a situation where you constantly have to protect your peace from the low blows, it may be time to consider all of your options (and consider counseling before you're ready to throw in the towel). Because, friend, you are worth all the kindness in the world.

About the author

Chelsea Jackson Garcia is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in Texas and an NBCC National Certified Counselor. She owns SHAW Psychotherapy, an inclusive private practice in Waco, TX, specializing in adolescents and women.

Disclaimer: The information presented and contained is for entertainment value only (Just remember, laughter is great, but therapy is even better) and should not be construed as mental health service or medical care.