Alright, picture this: the hubs and I are enjoying some sexy time. Things are going great, we’re mid-action, feeling like we still got it. Suddenly—WHAM—Charlie Horse invites himself into our bedroom without even asking. I’m talking about a cramp so intense, I’m positive that someone is cutting my voodoo doll in half with a rusty pair of sheep shears.

I let out this sound that I’m pretty sure I heard in the Exorcism, and my husband stops cold, eyes wide, thinking I’m either in the throes of ecstasy or imminent death. He’s frantically asking, "What’s happening? Are you okay?" and all I can do is point at my leg and screech, “THE CALF! THE CALF!”

Now we’re both scrambling, and I’m doing some weird half-plank, half-somersault, trying to stretch it out while attempting to maintain a shred of dignity. Shocker, no dignity was maintained. He’s trying to help, but instead of sexy-time, it’s turned into an impromptu yoga emergency class—except I’m definitely not zen. We’ve gone from steamy to cirque du so-limp, with him holding my leg up in a way that can only be described as an antonym to modesty in Merriam-Webster.

Sex after 40 isn’t for the weak. This, my friends, is sex and aging. 

Look, nobody warns you that one day, you’ll need to stretch like you’re about to run a marathon before you do the deed. Yoga becomes a prerequisite just to have sex without pulling a muscle. And let’s not even start on arthritis. You think you’re about to hit a nice rhythm, but then click click click—no, that’s not a beat drop; it’s your joints reminding you they’ve been around for a while. “Honey, hold on, my knee’s locking up. I’ll be with you in three to five business days.” 

But seriously, let’s talk about the reality. Sex in your 20s? No prep required. Just jump in like you’re auditioning for Cirque du Soleil. Sex in your 40s and beyond? Oh, there’s prep. So much prep. First, you have to consult with your body like it’s a car that’s been sitting in the garage all winter. "Okay, back, you good? Knees, how about you? Let's keep it together." If you’ve got any injuries, you’re out there drafting playbooks like it’s the Super Bowl, figuring out how to minimize the risk of pulling something.

But here's the deal—aging doesn’t mean sex is bad; it just means it’s… more strategic. You learn to laugh at the awkward moments. Maybe things don’t bend the way they used to, but that’s okay. You adapt. And listen, there’s a certain wisdom that comes with getting older and knowing exactly what you want, even if your body’s like, “We’re gonna need some Advil after this.”

So what can we do?

1. Warm Up Like an Athlete 

I’m not kidding. Before you even think about rolling around in the sheets, do a little stretching! Get those muscles loosened up like you’re about to hit the gym. A quick cat-cow yoga move can save you from that dreaded post-coital chiropractor visit.

2. Pillows Are Your Friends 

No, really. Throw some extra pillows into the mix—not just for aesthetics, but for support. Under the hips, under the knees, whatever helps your joints feel loved. Think of it as ergonomic sex. Forget “50 Shades of Grey”; we’re all about “50 Pillows of Comfort.”

3. Lubricate Like a Pro 

Ladies, if vaginal atrophy is making you wince at the idea of sexy time, don’t worry. There are so many options out there. Go for a high-quality water-based or silicone-based lubricant. It’s not 1985—lube isn’t just for the adventurous anymore. Keep it by the bedside like it's the MVP of your nightstand. And for ongoing help, talk to your doctor about estrogen creams. They can work wonders in keeping things hydrated and happy down there.

4. Don't Skip the Foreplay 

Look, we’re all a little slower than we used to be, and that’s totally fine. In fact, lean into it! Enjoy the journey, take your time, and remember that good foreplay is like a solid warm-up for the main event. Plus, the more warmed up you are, the less chance you have of pulling a muscle or needing an ice pack afterward.

5. Erectile Dysfunction? No Problem. 

Guys, if ED is throwing a wrench into your plans, don’t just sit there and stress about it. Viagra, Cialis, whatever floats your boat—get yourself checked out, talk to your doctor, and get the help you need. There’s no shame in calling in the big guns. Just remember not to mix it with certain medications, unless you want an extra trip to the ER.

6. Communicate & Laugh About It 

The best part about sex as you age? You stop taking it so seriously! Things aren’t going to go perfectly, and that’s okay. Talk to your partner, laugh at the awkward moments (because trust me, there will be plenty), and enjoy the fact that you’ve got a deeper connection now. Plus, sex is supposed to be fun—if you’re not laughing, you’re doing it wrong.

7. Stay Active and Fit 

I know, I know—no one wants to hear this. But staying active really helps with stamina, flexibility, and strength. We’re not talking about joining CrossFit, but taking regular walks, stretching, or light yoga can make a huge difference in how you feel during and after sex.

8. Consider Some Positions with Low Impact 

Now, I’m not going to turn this into the Kama Sutra, but let's keep it real: some positions just aren’t worth the chiropractor bills. Stick to the ones that won’t turn your joints into snap, crackle, and pop. Try side-lying positions or spooning—easy on the back, comfortable on the knees, and you can still feel connected without the fear of dislocating something.

9. Don’t Be Afraid to Get Help 

And finally, if all of this still feels like an uphill battle, don’t hesitate to see a therapist with specialized training in sex therapy (yours truly!) or a pelvic floor specialist. There’s so much that can be done to make your sex life fulfilling at every age.

So go ahead, stretch, grab the lube, and have fun! Just remember to keep the chiropractor on speed dial and don’t mix up the lube and Icy Hot (which is why I keep an extra pair of glasses on my nightstand).

About the author

Chelsea Jackson Garcia is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in Texas and an NBCC National Certified Counselor. She owns SHAW Psychotherapy, an inclusive private practice in Waco, TX, specializing in adolescents and women.

Disclaimer: The information presented and contained is for entertainment value only (Just remember, laughter is great, but therapy is even better) and should not be construed as mental health service or medical care.